"I have seen the light and this time it wasn't for drunk driving." - Random Grand Wizard Dude
"My role, much like my penis, was quite small in this masterpiece." - Jason Chaffetz
"Oh that's right. Rain was a bad sign in the Bible." - Franklin Graham, reading comprehension challenged evangelist
"Thank you for naming the book's leading asshole after me. No really." - Paul Ryan, while fake smiling
"We now see the error of our ways." - everybody at Breitbart
"Trump has notoriously tiny hands." - anybody at Fox
"I'll quit being a witch-hunting dick now." - Trey Gowdy
"Let's analyze this for an hour. Jack, you whine first. Van, follow him up with some self-hate & misplaced blame." - Anderson Cooper
"Marry me, Ms. Black." - Bill Maher
"The Resistance has found its leader in Jaid Black." - Keith Olbermann
"Somebody nominate this bitch for a Pulitzer." - Paul Krugman, NY Times
"Who is this author and why isn't she my head writer?" - Stephen Colbert
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