...The conversation between your mother and your daughter regarding said eyebrows looks like this:
It's ok, baby. Mama will take sad over insane & manly any day (snort!)
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You Might Have Gotten A Bad Eyebrow Job If...
Posted March 27, 2013
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
Posted February 25, 2013
I dunno either, but I figured it was probably time for another one of my boring exciting updates!
First of all, my therapy has been going really well. I have my ups and downs, but overall I've made a lot of progress since I arrived in Los Angeles back in October. I've fallen in love with the area and am going to have a hard time saying goodbye when the time comes.
The tiny little beach town I reside in is so fun, eclectic, and bizarre that I made it the backdrop for the erotic, romantic comedy I'm currently writing ("Laverne & Surly" in Something Wicked This Way Comes: Volume 3.) Venice is the only city on planet earth where the homeless and mega-millionaires dress alike... and good luck telling them apart! :)
Speaking of Venice, I've returned to Cave Chaos on a weekly basis, though not as a host yet. In the interim I'm doing a weekly segment called "Vanquished in Venice" wherein I regale you with tales from some of my most—hmm—interesting encounters. As of this writing, I believe 2 of those segments have aired.
Let's see, I'm trying to remember what else I've been up to...
Oh! Painting. I've been painting a couple times a week and find it helps my creativity blossom in all areas of my life. I've put up an online "gallery" so you can see the pieces I've finished. I've had some really mind-numbing offers for them (my ego thanks you!) but I'm not selling, at least not right now.
That's it for updates. I'm sure there's more to tell, but Thelmer (Cave Chaos) is visiting and he's mind-numbing in a whole different way (eeeeek!) I must be doing good with therapy because he hasn't sent me off running toward medicinal hallucinogens yet. (I stress yet!)
Jaid xo
Happy Holidays
Posted December 6, 2012
It's been a while since I've blogged so I wanted to take the time to say Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas, Happy Winter Solstice, (etc., etc.!) as well as give you a few updates. Firstly, my therapy...Overall, I'm learning a lot of important skills and am very glad I've had the opportunity to be here. There have been a few unpleasantries along the road to emotional recovery, but such is life. The first place I attended in Venice, CA was akin to a nightmare (don't worry... I'll be giving all the sordid details in an upcoming episode of Cave Chaos!) but the place I'm at now—oddly enough owned by the same person—is simply wonderful. (Minus the parking, of course... LA parking and traffic are notorious suck-fests.)
At any rate, my DBT therapy skills are coming along nicely. I'm not exactly at Jedi Knight status with them, but it's a learning and practicing process. I expect to be staying in LA for another 3-6 months. Hopefully by then I'll be strong enough to return home :-)
Professionally speaking... well... I'm working on that in therapy too. At least now I'm realizing the mental and emotional barriers that have given me the literary equivalent of a limp dick. I'm not going to set myself up for failure by committing to a definitive date for when my next story will release, but let's just say I am making tangible progress.
For the past decade I've merely existed but not really lived. I now comprehend how indescribably blessed I am to feel again rather than just go through the motions. Some of said feelings suck, but at least I'm experiencing what it means to be alive again. What I've been learning is that pain is an inevitable part of life, but suffering is not... suffering is a choice.
I'll be back home for a few days at Christmas (yay!) and can hardly wait to hug my daughters, parents, and friends. (Ohhh how I miss you all!) After that, it's straight back to LA pour moi. Happy Holidays to you and yours :-)
Jaid xo
Leaving for Treatment
Posted October 15, 2012
I ended up having a great time at RomantiCon® so I'm very happy that I went despite how badly I've been doing lately. It was great to see old friends and make some new ones. The Cavemen's performance this year was off-the-charts wicked thanks to the very talented Georgio and his phenomenal choreography. Nick Soto won Alpha this year, which couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.
Now that R-Con is over, it's time for me to take care of myself. My panic attacks, anxiety, and depression over the last 6 weeks or so have gotten so far out of hand that, to be blunt, suicidal impulses constantly plague me. Twice I have been a hair's breath away from seeing it through and... well I just can't do that to my kids. I love them too much to put them through the mental hell I currently call home.
I leave for the Los Angeles area tomorrow and will be receiving intensive, structured, residential, therapy for as long as it takes to get better. Out of respect for the anonymity of the other 5 women being treated at the same time as I am, I can't say exactly where I'll be, but beaches and sunshine will be involved :) Phone, email, and the internet are not permitted there for a minimum of 30 days so I won't be able to tweet so much as a hello until mid-November.
Thank you for all the kindness and empathy soooo many of you have shown me during this dark period in my life. I will carry all your hugs, kisses, and words of encouragement with me to California. A very special thank you to Laurann Dohner, Mr. Laurann, Temple, Erin Sanchez, Shoshanna, Jose, Thelmer, Ma & Pop... you all are awesomeness personified.
Cave Chaos WILL continue in my absence, with Thelmer taking my place while I'm gone. (Oh boy lol.) We've got a lot of guest authors, models, and other personalities lined up so be sure to keep tuning in every Monday at noon (Eastern time) for a fun show!
Lastly, to my daughters...
Mommy loves you. I am doing this for you even more than I am for myself. I know I have a difficult time expressing emotions on a regular basis, but never doubt that my love for you is anything less than unconditional and all-consuming. Without you, nothing matters to me. With you, I can do anything. I will beat this. You WILL get your old mom back, perhaps even a better version of her. We WILL travel the world together again, eat home-cooked dinners together every night again, laugh together again, and express emotions without fear of me having an attack. We'll argue and have times where we piss each other off, but I even look forward to those moments because I'll be able to handle them.
Mommy will miss you sooooo damn much while I'm gone. You are the most amazing daughters any woman could ever be blessed with.
